Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
