Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
