He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We named our party play list daddy issues
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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