So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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