4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
