Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
