M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wish there were birth control emojis
You are a booty call, not a friend.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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