i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
