hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
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I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
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You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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