My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize