Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
