He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
