Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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