i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
