seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
