What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
