You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
