Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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