Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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