I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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