I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
