I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It was confusing and full of hummus
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
