she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
