I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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