I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
