dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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