I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
