He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
