Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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