My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
