yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
