I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
