I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
