my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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