I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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