My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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