I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
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we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
this will be a night to untag.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
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Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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