i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
