like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
