I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
