He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
