i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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