Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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