People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
