Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
