I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize