SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
