This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize