No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
