Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
