Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
