Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
