He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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