This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
