I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
