i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
