You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
