so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
