My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My feet surprised me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
