i just google imaged poop.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
