Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
