Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
