im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......