I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.