its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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