If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved