Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.