My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
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Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
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Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.