Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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