I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
