Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It was confusing and full of hummus
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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