he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
