What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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