in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
