Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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