you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
