I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
